Love you forever.

Dear Lincoln and Carver,

There’s this book that I can’t seem to finish without choking up and crying. It’s called Love You Forever. 

Lincoln, you have about a 2 minute attention span so we never really get past a few pages. However, today you had me reading more than a few pages. I read up to the point where the little boy grew and he grew and he grew… Until he moved out of the house. And I started crying. You see, it’s a mixed bag of emotions. On one hand, I’m sad that eventually the both of you will grow up and leave. But on the other hand,I want the two of you to grow up, become productive members of society, and have families of your own. See, one can’t happen without the other. Truly a mixed bag of emotions.

Carver, I was able to sing the song to you today as you were becoming a little bit fussy. And you actually stopped and looked at me. I feel like in that brief moment, we finally bonded as mother and son. I hope as the days go by and you become bigger and more cognizant of your surroundings we will have more of these moments. 

I love you both.

Mommy Guilt

Dear Lincoln and Carver,

You’re both not old enough to ever remember this time, but I’m having a difficult time trying to spend good quality time with the both of you. Hence, I have mommy guilt. I don’t feel like I’m fulfilling any of your needs. Lincoln, I know you want to play and want us to spend more quality time with you.  Daddy is spending more quality time with you, and so now all you want is Daddy. Which is fine for me, but I know it can be physically draining, and so I feel bad for daddy.

Carver, I know I have to hold you more and pay more attention to your needs (like change your diaper more often). But it’s just so difficult separating my time. I just hope it gets easier in the long run. I’m also having a “too much breastmilk” problem. This is a problem because you’re not getting any of the fatty stuff, you’re just getting the watery stuff. That’s why I think you’re not growing as fast. Hopefully, with a little adjustment this weekend, we can work this out. It’s going to be really painful, but part of the mommy guilt is that you have really bad gas, and I think it’s because I have too much milk.

Anyways, I hope next year this time we can all go to Knotts Merry Farm and Disneyland as a family and I can see the awe and wonder in both of your eyes. Then, it will make this all worth it.

Hello to Carver

Dear Lincoln and Carver,

The two of you was finally able to meet. Carver was born on November 16th at 3:32am via C-Section. 6 pounds and 6 ounces, 18 inches.

Right off the bat, Lincoln, you were so nice to Carver. You gave him little head hugs and was very happy to see him. The only thing is that you’re sick so we’re trying to limit the amount of time you have with him. I think this makes you very sad and confused because I’m always off feeding him.

There was a lot that I wanted to write to you, Lincoln, before Carver came into the world. However, I just want to let you know I’m not sure how you feel, confused? Sad? But I promise things will get better and I will be able to spend more time with you. We’ll do more Thursday outings and once you get better, you can play with your brother. One thing I hope is that you keep your happy and playful demeanor. You’ve been acting up a little recently, I’m not sure if it’s because you are sick or because you’re entering your “terrible twos” a bit early, or if it’s because of your new brother. I just hope this is for a short time.

Carver, you are the most perfect baby. I really couldn’t have asked for more. In just a few days, you are much more alert and sleeping at longer intervals. You love skin to skin with daddy. In fact, I think we created a bad habit in which you really like it when someone is right next to you, skin to skin. You like looking around. But most importantly, you are starting to like your sleep. I hope this continues for awhile.

I can’t wait to see the two of you interact with each other. Play with each other and love each other.

My World Stops When I’m With You

Dear Lincoln,

I overslept the other day (It happens when you’re 8 months pregnant). Dad gently woke me up and asked if I was going to work. I asked him what time it was and he said, “7.” My eyes went wide open. “WHAT?! Why didn’t you wake me earlier?!” I was kind of mad that I dad didn’t wake me up earlier. And at this point, you are a pretty good kid. If we’re still sleeping, you just turn on that Ninja Turtle light and stare at the stars. I got up, got your milk, went inside your room, gave you your milk and left. I got ready. I told myself, I can’t say goodbye to him. I need to leave, I’m already late. But somehow, I just had to see you before I left for work. I though, I’ll just go in for a little bit.

But you know what? Time stops when I’m with you. You got up and demanded to be held. How can I deny you that? My world just stopped. It didn’t matter that I was going to be late. You bring me such calm and joy. It was definitely something that I needed that morning. Thank you for being you.

How we came up with Carver

Dear Carver,

I’m not sure if you’ll like your name or not, but I wanted to let you know how we came up with Carver. I think it’s very unique and I haven’t seen anyone named Carver. You see, when I found out I was pregnant with you, I called you my little peanut. Lincoln was my jellybean, so you became my peanut. Everybody started calling you peanut because we haven’t thought of a name for you, yet.

Your dad and I were thinking and thinking what would be a cool name. Since Lincoln is a name of a great President, I thought we should name you after a great scientist. Newton (dad didn’t like, because it will be short for Newt), Darwin (dad wasn’t a fan, either). None of the science greats really spoke to us and got us excited, like when we named Lincoln.

At one point, I wanted to name you Abraham. I thought it was clever. Dad said no. I thought, what about Jayson (get it?! Jay-son) Dad thought it was too cheesy and weird. So he decided to go back to the Presidents theme. Another great President. Maybe a Democrat this time. We just couldn’t decide. At one point, we were going to name you Churchill, the man who saved Europe. But, for some people, it’s kind of difficult to pronounce. But Churchill was definitely a close second.

So we were in the car and your dad yells out Carver! “George Washington’s middle name was Carver, I think. Karen, look up George Washington’s middle name.” I did. George Washington didn’t have a middle name. Every where I looked, it was just George Washington. BUT, there was a George Washington Carver and he has a pretty amazing story. Born into slavery and became a freed man, he pursued education with passion and curiosity, and became an inventor and botanist. And you know what the most amazing thing was? He basically created the peanut industry in the US. He was THE peanut specialist and also testified in Congress about the Peanut industry in the US, during a time it was uncommon for an African American man to testify. He was mocked by Southern congressional members, but you know what? Committee members kept on extending his time for his testimonial.

So there you have it, Carver. It’s like fate. That is how we came up with your name. It spoke to us. And I hope you are just as passionate and curious as Carver was about learning no matter what obstacles come your way. We love you so much and we can’t wait to meet you.

Paternity Leave

Dear Lincoln and Carver,

For the past couple of days I’ve been seen stuff on Paternity Leave. Yesterday, while reading the Economist, I saw an ad from a company talking about Paternity leave and a father trying to “have it all.” Today, I saw an ad on Facebook for a petition to sign for Congress about paid having paid leave for new fathers.

I hope when it’s your time to have children that we are more cognizant that fathers also need some time with their babies. Both of you are very lucky in that daddy currently works from home and you get to see him often. I think it really does make a difference in your relationship with him in the future. I also know that he aches to see you if he doesn’t get to see you during the day. However, in order for us to have paid paternity leave, we need a cultural shift. I’m hoping this shift will happen in your lifetime so that you can enjoy some time with your children as much as we enjoy our time with you.

Family Day at Kaiser

Dear Lincoln and Carver,

Today was supposed to be an uneventful day.  I was suppose to take you two to Trader Joes and then the Library. But your Dad (the adventurous guy that he is) decided that it was a good idea to do a little jump while he was on a motorized skateboard. Well… he definitely broke something. So we spent the whole day in Urgent Care. Lincoln, you were so good. You barely cried. It’s like you knew. You knew that we’re a Team and that when someone in the family gets hurt, we come together as a family. And Carver, I had absolutely no pain while I was holding Lincoln. You were doing really well in my stomach.

The most memorable moment was when we had to take Daddy in for his X-Ray. The X-Ray was at another area in the building and getting there, we had someone help us. However, after the X-Ray, we had to go back to urgent care. We had a little choo choo train! At that point, Daddy was already in a wheel chair. So Carver and I was pushing Daddy, while Daddy was pushing Lincoln in the stroller. People were smiling as we were walking back to urgent care. I wish I took a photo.

So now Daddy is in crutches and in a straight leg brace. Carver, you seem to be sitting pretty and doing well. Lincoln, I hope you are a good boy for the next two weeks as Daddy tries to get better.

I really do cherish these moments we have as a family. We don’t need elaborate vacations (although it is nice, sometimes) or Disneyland. We just need someplace that’s air conditioned. =)

Travels

Traveling with a baby

I traveled to Italy when my baby was 3 months old, Boston when he was 5 months, and San Jose, Taiwan and Singapore when he was 6 months. I’ve noticed that there is a big difference between International travel and domestic, so I’m going to separate these two.

International flights.

We all hear these horror stories on how babies are like on the plane and how nobody likes to sit next to them. And yes, there are babies that are crying and loud, but they are usually older kids.

Things you will need to do before you fly:

  • Get a passport for the baby. Keep in mind that a passport takes about 2-2.5 weeks to get to you when you pay for it expedited. It can take longer otherwise. You will need the baby’s birth certificate, passport application, and photo. And BOTH parents will need to be at the passport agency to sign. You can have one parent, but then you need a notarized note, etc, etc, it’s easier to just have both parents. The birth certificate is only available 3 months after the baby is born at the your local county registrars office (ie, Norwalk). BUT, if you need it real soon, like I did, you will need to go to the Los Angeles county records office which is in downtown. The next tricky thing is the passport photo. A lot of parents try to save money and take their own. I didn’t do that. I didn’t want to risk the chance of the photo not being acceptable and having my application kicked back at me… then I wouldn’t be able to go to Italy. My timeframe was just too tight. What I did was I picked a passport agency that provided a photo service for a fee. You take the photo, fill out the application (with both parents), give them the check and you are all set.
  • Give the airline your baby information: Technically babies fly free, BUT, you still need to tell them. What you also can do is ask for the bulkhead seat. The bulkhead seat is in the front of economy, in back of first class. You get extra legroom and the best part is, they give you a basinet where it attaches onto the wall in front of you. If you are lucky, your baby will sleep in the basinet the entire flight. So yes, babies fly free, but you still have to pay for their taxes. The taxes are usually 10% of the ticket. I would suggest you pay for the taxes when you purchase your tickets and you know you’re going to bring the baby. Here is the reason: it all depends on the airline, but it can be 10% of the ticket cost of what you paid the ticket for… or 10% of the current ticket cost. So if you paid $1000 for the ticket, you will pay $100 if you pay together. BUT, you might end up paying way more if you end up paying at the counter. Again, this depends on the airline. For Alitalia, it was 10% of the current price of the ticket. For China Airlines, it was the amount you paid.

Packing

This is very tricky, because it all depends on where you go and under what circumstance. In Italy, we took every mode of transportation possible and stayed in different places. In Taiwan and Singapore, we just stayed in one place. Two very different packing situations. But here are my general rules:

  • If you are staying somewhere for 2 weeks, bring enough clothing for 1 week. You will need to find a place to wash your clothes and baby’s clothes. So for a two week trip, I bought 14 outfits, 7 bibs, 2 swaddles, 1 blanket, 7 socks, 1 hat (lost it), and 3 muslin blankets.
  • Bring all necessary things that you use when baby has a cold. You may never use it on the trip, but if you do, you will be glad you did. Don’t be like me and go into every single pharmacy in Taipei looking for baby vicks vapor rub and only learn that the whole entire country does not sell that product. Then being forced to purchase a $25 bottle of eucalyptus oil from Origins.
  • Diapers and wipes. On a two week trip, bring enough diapers to last you at least a week. Once you get your bearings straight and feel more comfortable it’ll be a lot easier to go to the store and get stuff like diapers and wipes. If you use special diapers, you’re not going to find it. So if you HAVE to use honest company, 7th generation, etc, then bring enough diapers to last you the whole time. I didn’t have to. The diapers that I purchased in Italy were really thin and crappy, but I just changed him more often. The good thing is that they pretty much keep to the sizes. So if your baby wears size 3 diapers, just purchase the size 3 diapers in the store. No need to translate the kg into lbs. The rest of the world uses kg. Coming back, you’ll have extra room to pack souvenirs!
  • Bring your carrier. If you don’t use a carrier, start practicing. LAX decided to give all the parents with infants a big WELCOME when they decided to give all the strollers back at baggage claim. That is like holding your baby for an hour because you still have to go through immigration, customs, and the waiting to get your baggage can take forever.
  • Pack light (especially if you are traveling alone). If you are planning on going to different towns and cities do not bring a big luggage case with you that requires two hands to lift. So say you have someone with you, that gives you four arms. Two arms is holding baby (if you have a carrier you can be a little more flexible), one arm is holding the stroller, that leaves one arm left to hold any type of luggage. This is where backpacks come in. You have to carry a backpack (one of those big camping ones) and leave enough room to stuff your diaper bag in there and your partner carries their backpack (most likely with their stuff). If you are just going to one place, you can bring a couple of small rollers.
  • Car Seat. I never brought my car seat on international flights. We just held our baby when we hopped into a cab. However, if you plan on renting a car, bring your own car seat. Do not rent one. We rented one and it was the crappiest car seat ever. I paid $75 for a $50 car seat. I was expecting it to be bad… but it was really bad. I was better off holding my baby.
  • This was my biggest stress when it came to traveling. Living in the US, everything is big. Big house, big cars, wide streets, etc. This isn’t the case in other parts of the world. So if you have a really big and heavy stroller that you do not like to carry up two flights of stairs (because that’s where the elevator is to get to the 5th floor) and over bridges, I would consider purchasing one of those umbrella strollers. The down side is that it’s not a very comfortable ride for your baby. After I came back from Italy, I purchased an umbrella stroller and we barely use it because it’s such a rough ride compared to our stroller. I didn’t even take it to Taiwan with me. Which was a good thing because it rained the majority of the time and I had a rain cover for my stroller. Purchase a rain cover for your stroller. It rains in other parts of the world… just not in LA.

Travel Day! Everything should go smoothly at the ticket counter. Do not check in your stroller and car seat at the ticket counter. The ticket counter will do a special gate check for you. Take the stroller all the way to the gate and then you give them the stroller when you are basically in front of the entrance of the plane. This will save your back if you have a heavy kid.

  • Going through security. If your stroller doesn’t fit through the luggage x-ray machine, they can wipe it down so it’s not big deal. If you or your partner is in the military you qualify for TSA-Pre check. This is a great program which allows you to go through a separate faster line and you don’t have to take off your shoes. My husband always take our baby through and I go through the normal line. It makes things easier. All you have to do is give the airline (when you purchase the ticket) your DoD number on the website.
  • You get to board with first class. That means you get to board early, so once you get to your gate, start changing your baby’s diaper. I once had my baby with a very full diaper and he basically exploded on the plane during takeoff. Not cool.
  • Feeding baby during takeoff and landing is a good idea in theory. For international flights, they want you to hold the baby on your lap facing out. They even gave us a special seat belt. So I couldn’t feed him. I ended up manually pumping during the flight so that he can at least have a bottle during landing. Nowadays, I just give him a pacifier.
  • Your basinet. There is a weight limit on the basinet. It is also a little bit shorter than two economy seats. It would be safe to say that the baby can be in the basinet up to 7 months. After that, they will end up being a lap baby. You’ll get your basinet once you hit a certain elevation, basically 20 minutes into your ride. The basinet is pretty uncomfortable by itself. Take two of the airline pillows and lay them together to make a “cushion.” You can then lay your baby on top. At 3 months, we swaddled him and put him there. You’re supposed to take the baby out of the basinet during turbulence. I never bothered. They don’t really care, either.
  • Some airlines might ask if you want to order a baby meal for the baby. This is free, so you might as well. It includes baby food and sometimes some diapers. However, you need to ask for this beforehand. Call the airline a week or two before you leave.
  • Once you land, make sure you make it really clear you want your stroller at the gate, NOT at baggage claim.

Domestic Flights

This is pretty similar to international with some minor changes and tricks.

Although you don’t need a passport, you still need to let the airlines know you have a baby on board. Some airlines require proof of age. Southwest is really strict. Even if it’s totally obvious that your baby is under 2 years of age, you still need to bring a birth certificate or passport. I once got by with just the baby’s Kaiser card. It has his birthdate, so that’s all they cared about.

They say they are full, but they are never full. I was able to bring my car seat onto a full southwest flight so that my baby got his own seat. On Southwest they will board all of the A groups first and then families. Once you get to the front, say this “can I bring my car seat in? if there are no more seats, we can gate check the car seat. He’s sleeping, I just don’t want to wake him” Once you have your car seat in, no one is going to ask for that seat. Because who would take a seat from a baby?

If your baby likes to sleep in the dark, bring eye masks.

I think this is it. Don’t let a little one hinder you from traveling and experiencing different places.

Happy Travels!

Hello world!

I’m a mother of a very sweet 14 month old little boy and I have another one on the way. I’ll have two babies under two.

This blog will be the start of my journey with the two of them, motherhood, politics, and other random musings. Hopefully, when my babies grow up they can go back to this page and relive some memories and understand me more. But for now, it will be just me and the rest of the internet world.