Dear Lincoln,

Happy Birthday, my love. You are now two years old. You are so incredibly active and learning so much everyday, I can barely keep up. My favorite time with you is right before we put you to bed. You get dressed into your PJs, brush your teeth, and we sing songs and act silly together. Its one of these times that I hold near and dear because I know that it won’t last very long.

Today was also your last day at the Montesorri Day Care. Ms. Anita, Ms. Carla, and Ms. Dora were like your 2nd mothers. They were with you the majority of the time from 9 months to 2 years. Did you know that I did not have to trim your finger or toe nails at all during these times? I got a little teary eyed when they gave you one last hug and kiss. You actually gave it back to them as if you knew. On Monday, you will be entering a different preschool with different teachers and also a different language. We decided to enroll you into a Japanese immersion preschool. It will either be the best decision I’ve ever made, or the worst decision I’ve ever made. Only time will tell. I’m a little nervous since you won’t understand anything when I drop you off. But I know that you are more resilient than I think you are.

Your temper tantrums are getting a little bit more serious. But you’re starting to understand the difference between right and wrong and you know when you have done wrong. Time outs are working pretty well with you so far. I think part of your tantrums is that I just can’t understand you just yet. But I think we’re getting their. You’re starting to have a command of basic mandarin and english. Soon, you’ll have a command of basic Japanese, too.

I love you. Keep being you. I will fight fiercely for you to keep your innocence for another year. AND…. I promise we will go to Disneyland before you turn three.

I had ACL surgery so that when you two become rambunctious boys I will be able to keep up. Hope you appreciate that.

Dear Lincoln and Carver,

This week, both of you had some pretty big milestones. Carver, you are now starting on solids. No longer will you be drinking only milk. Your first food was avocado mixed with breastmilk. I think you liked it. Next step will be carrots. I do hope you like solids. I really hope to fatten you up a bit. we also had your 6 month appointment with the doctor today and he said that you need to sleep 11-12 hours uninterrupted. This means we are going to cut off your 1am and 3 am feedings. This means you are to CIO. Tonight, you didn’t do so well going to sleep. I actually had to lie down with you and then carry you back to the crib when you fell asleep. I feel like you just needed a little cuddling and love and so I did just that. We spooned until you fell asleep.

Lincoln, today daycare started transitioning you to the 2-year old class. They also let you play in the big kid playground. I sat in the office looking to see how you played with the big kids. I know it’s a little overwhelming with so many of the big kids running around, but soon you will be one of those boys running and throwing balls. Right now, you’re like a little doe walking around with your hands behind your back. I’m so excited for you, but yet, I’m also so sad that you’re growing up so fast. My little baby is no longer a baby.

dear Lincoln and Carver,

Big step today. Today I made the decision to leave you with the hands of someone else other than your dad for a couple of days as I go join dad in DC. I wouldn’t normally do this, but it just so happens that President Obama will be giving the keynote address at the APIACS gala, and Hillary Clinton will be at the VIP reception. She may very well be the next President of the United States. And daddy will get to have a semi private meeting with the President! Isn’t that exciting?

I’m a little nervous about being away, but I’m sure everything will be alright. Before I left, I went to each of your rooms and you were both sound asleep. Watching the two of you sleep so peacefully actually calms me. I love you both so much.

Dear Lincoln and Carver,

It has been two months since I last wrote. I always have so much to say, but too busy to write it all down.

This past week both of you came down with the Hand, Foot, Mouth disease. This disease is the devil. It’s so painful to see the both of you with inside mouth blisters and unable to eat or drink.

Lincoln, you came down with it first because you got the virus from daycare. for 3 whole days it was just too difficult for you to eat so we made everything into a smoothie. I wasn’t too worried about you because you are fairly big and healthy. The only down side is that I introduced you to YouTube and Elmo. You love it. Now, whenever you see our cellphones you want to watch Elmo. I haven’t allowed you to watch any more and I’m going to try to keep it that way. Unless you get sick again…

Carver, you on the other hand, I was worried about. You’re still a small baby and if you don’t drink anything, not only will you get skinnier, you will also get dehydrated. That is what happened and I had to take you to the Dr. on Wednesday. You didn’t drink any milk for over 12 hours and only had two pee pee diapers. I was so worried. But, we found out that you would actually drink really ice cold milk. Everything had to be cold. When we figured that out, you were pretty much fine within 36 hours.

Both of you are starting to talk in your own way. Lincoln, you are trying to have conversations with us and the other day you were able to somewhat convey to me what you wanted, without grunting.

Carver, you are babbling a storm. It’s actually pretty neat to watch and hear you babble. I have a feeling you will be a talker.

Dear Carver,

You are three months and I can definitely say that you are more alert now. You follow our eyes and you smile and gurgle when we talk to you. You like to grab onto my finger and kick your tiny feet up in the air. You really like going out. I hope we can do more of that as you get older. Yesterday, I took you and Lincoln to the Aquarium. I think you enjoyed it. You didn’t cry the whole time we were there. Everybody was saying what a great baby you are. I’m hoping to go out with you and Lincoln more often now. I just need you to get a little bit bigger so that I am more comfortable having you in the Ergo carrier.

You also don’t like dirty diapers. Lincoln never really mind a dirty diaper. But you really don’t like a dirty diaper. I have to do a better job at changing your diapers more often.

Overall, you’re a great kid.. and SO DARN CUTE. you really are a cute kid. Your coos and gurgles are to die for. We love you to the moon and back.

Dear Lincoln,

You made me cry happy tears today. During bath time, you asked for one of those small towels that I use to wash you with. You took it and you washed yourself with it. This is the first time you took the initiative to wash yourself. You even washed you butt! This made me happy, but also a little sad. Soon, in the near future, you won’t need me to wash you anymore. This makes me sad because bath time is one of our bonding moments where I ask you if you like school and if you like your classmates. You actually respond to me during this time. You’re only 20 months, but I feel like your growing up so fast and becoming such an independent little boy. I’m slowly letting you do your own thing and it’s something I need to do, but it makes me wish you were a baby all over again. Sometimes, it’s a double edge sword. I want you to grow up, but I also want to mother you a little longer. 

I told daddy that you washed yourself and he was really happy for you. He was pretty shocked actually. 

Anyways, keep growing … But not to fast. 

Dear Lincoln and Carver,

When I was pregnant, I would read about what joy it is to watch your two children play together and how it makes all the chaos all worth it. Last week, for the first time, the two of you were “playing” together. Carver, you had your toes out in the open and Lincoln tried to play with your toes with his feet. You watched and your tried to also touch his feet and mimic it. It was an awesome sight. So awesome, I cried. You’re also the only person that Lincoln will kiss multiple times without us asking. I know you two will play well together. When Lincoln is around, you always seem to search for him and look at him in a way that you don’t do with me or daddy. You seem to already look up to him in a certain way.

Lincoln, I know you’re feeling all types of emotions right now. I know you really, really like your didi. But I know you also feel some type of jealousy. But you just don’t know how to react or respond to it. Sometimes, you want to smash him with your body. And I also know that you like your alone time before you go to bed with only us (mommy and daddy). I’m going to try to give that to you, because it’s only fair. You’re still a baby and you still need that individual attention.

My challenge is to juggle the both of you to make sure both of you get the solid social and emotional well being that both of you deserve. My promise to both of you is that I will try my darndest to make that happen.

Dear Lincoln and Carver (mostly Lincoln),

As you enter into your toddler stage, you’re becoming more difficult. Really, really difficult. I’m going to have to start disciplining you. I don’t like it, and I don’t even know if I’m doing it right.

The other day, Lincoln, you wanted to bring in a toy into the bathtub. Frankly, I’m tired of toys breaking or coming apart when it goes into the water, so I said No. You cried and cried. Your bath took twice as long. But you see… I need to do this because I need to teach you limits. I’ll need to teach you patience, self control, coping mechanisms, and the fact that you can’t always get your way. I need to teach you now so that Carver doesn’t learn any bad habits from you.

I was at Trader Joes the other day and it was raining really hard. Two men in their early twenties walked up to me and asked for money. They said they were homeless. They actually had really nice stuff on them. Nice backpack and pretty nice clothes and shoes. The thing is, they were probably homeless. But they were also probably on heroin. It become quite an epidemic. Anyways, where I’m going with this is. Part of being a parent is to provide you teachable moments and to discipline because I want the two of you to become productive members of society. Dad and I are walking on uncharted waters, but hopefully everything will work out in the end.

Dear Carver,

Today was a tough day for us. We weren’t quite in sync with the breast feeding. You were frustrated that Everytime it was time to nurse you would choke because of the fast let down. 

People around me are telling me to just pump the milk out and feed you. That was never my intention. I don’t want to just pump and I won’t. Breastfeeding together is our bonding moment. I did it with Lincoln, and I’m going to do it with you. 

I know you’re frustrated and angry. I can tell from your cries. But I will learn your cues and we will conquer this together. Also, I’m here to stay. You have one mom. That’s me. You basically have no choice but to nurse from me.