Dear Lincoln and Carver,

It has been awhile. I have actually completely forgotten about this website until your dad (being the ever money minder that he is) checked the credit card bill and saw a $19 dollar charge and wanted to dispute it. This is when we remembered… we have a wordpress!

It seem like I stopped writing when COVID hit. I was so busy with the two of you, I forgot to write down all the memories. Fast forward to now… while I won’t be able to write everything that has gone on the past few years. I will write what is happening now.

Trump is President… AGAIN. You can read the history book on how that happened.

Lincoln, you are now in Middle School. You seem to be doing well. You’re also on the swim team in Fullerton. You are now swimming 4 days a week.

Carver, you are in 4th grade. You started TaiKwonDo last month. You seem to enjoy it. You are also taking 7th grade math.

Now that I know this exists, I will be writing more… I promise.

Dear Carver,

Happy 4th Birthday to my little baby, Carver! You are my unicorn child. I haven’t done a milestone update for you in awhile so here goes: You are now tall enough to ride at least one of the roller coasters at Disneyland. When daddy comes back, that’s the first thing we’re going to do. Maybe you’ll be tall enough to ride two roller coasters by that time. You don’t like to eat meat. You love vegetables and Natto (you have weird taste buds). You are starting to sound out words and read them. You’re pretty good at math, for your age. In some cases, you’re better at math than your brother. You have great emotional intelligence. You’re kind. You share. And you try to be friendly and agreeable to what others want, without compromising what you want.

What you need to work on: Your stage fright.

Dear Lincoln,

Happy Birthday to you! Wow. You’re five.  I’m a little early.

This past weekend we celebrated your 5th birthday. You were super excited about your birthday. You wanted to do your hair, dress up, and you also wanted to help out as much as you can. I think you got too excited and sort of fizzled out at the end. But that’s the way you are. I’m not sure if you enjoyed your party, but I know you did enjoy people singing happy birthday to you. I’m pretty sure you liked the attention.

Anyway, you’re going to start Kindergarten soon. And there’s going to be a lot of changes. A LOT OF CHANGES. Daddy is getting deployed to the Middle East…. for pretty much a year. We’ve been preparing you and Carver for this deployment, but I just don’t know if you really understand the magnitude of it all. Daddy will be gone for an entire year.  Today you said the sweetest thing to him. You saved a cookie for him so that he can take it with him on the plane to the Middle East.  You really do have a big heart. I asked you if you were going to be sad when daddy leaves, and you said no. I asked you why? And you said, because I’m going to be mad! I don’t want him to go!

I know, kid. I don’t want him to go either.

I really don’t know how this deployment will affect you and your brother.  I don’t even know if you’ll remember. But here’s the thing. One day, when you’re reading this, you’ll realize that everybody has to make sacrifices. And these sacrifices will make you into a stronger person.  What doesn’t kill you, will make you stronger.  I just really hope your relationship with daddy doesn’t suffer. You guys are starting to really be buddy-buddies.

I’m sorry. This post was actually suppose to talk about how much you have grown. And boy, you have grown. You love roller coasters. You still love dinosaurs… but I think that is about to be tapered off. You love to dance. You love to dance to top 40 music.  You’re really good at languages. You seem to pick it up pretty quickly. You’re reading just a little bit of Chinese. You can totally read Hiragana, no problem there. And you’re just starting to read three letter words. You do have to sound it out… and you have to stop guessing! You really need to sound out the word!  I’m trying not to stress to much about this. But if by 1st grade you can’t read… there will be an intervention.

You are super fun. You love to greet random strangers with the windows rolled down in the car. You have a great smile (you should use it more often), and you really don’t get mad for a long time, but you do get mad pretty easily. You also have a crazy memory. It’s unbelievable. I don’t know if other kids have such sharp memories. Maybe it’s all that sleep you get. You still sleep a combined total of 10-12 hours a day. I really don’t know what we are going to do when you start kindergarten. No Naps~and no Snacks!

I’m also trying to work on your attitude. I want you to not give up when you encounter something difficult. You’re going to encounter so many difficult things, you need to figure it out.

All in all. You’re a good kid and I love you.

Dear Lincoln and Carver,

Practice makes perfect. I finally made it a point to practice your name, hiragana, and numbers everyday for at least 20 minutes. And it has finally paid off. Both your teachers have complimented you on the way you write. Lincoln, you’re able to write your Japanese name without looking at how to write it and Carver, the teacher has complimented you on your fine motor skills and also your love of learning.  I love that you love to learn. I hope you don’t lose that passion for learning.

But this brings me to just one point. Practice makes perfect. You can be talented and smart, but without practice, you can’t perfect your skills. So you need to practice. And I will help you. Frankly, I have thoroughly enjoyed seeing you grow so much just the past couple of weeks.

Last week, I took both of you to a trial piano lesson. Carver, you were adamant that you wanted to learn Piano and Lincoln, you were adamant that you did not want to learn piano. You, instead, expressed interest in dancing. I’m assuming it’s hip hop dancing. So, I want you to both enjoy and have a passion for something. So Lincoln, I’ll enroll you in dance. And Carver, I’ll enroll you in Piano. Carver, you definitely choose the more expensive passion. YIKES!

Dear Carver,

This is a late post, but I can explain. We celebrated your 3rd birthday in Taiwan. We actually landed on November 16th, so I didn’t get to write anything. We had a birthday for you in early December at the La Habra Children’s Museum. I think you had a blast!

You are three now and you are growing so much. I think you know most of your letters and numbers. You know how to count to 20… sort of. I’m not really too worried about that kind of stuff anymore. You’ll eventually know how to count and you will eventually know all your letters.

You are quite the artist. You seem to like to draw and you have really good control with the pencil (but you don’t seem to hold the pencil correctly, so I don’t know how that’s going to turn out down the line). You know how to write a couple of easy letters and Japanese characters.

You are absolutely the sweetest kid. I really hope you don’t change. A couple of weeks ago you wanted to give away all of your birthday presents to kids without toys because they don’t have anything and you have too much stuff.

You’re doing really well in school. Soon, in about a year, you will be headed toward transitional kindergarten. Not exactly full blown kindergarten, but more like practice kindergarten. I think you’ll do just fine. I just hope you don’t end up copying any bad habits from other kids. Right now, you sort of walk to the beat of your own drum, but I don’t know what will happen when you get older.

Anyways, happy belated birthday, Carver.

Love you always,

Mom

Dear Lincoln and Carver,

It has been too long.  I really should write more. A lot has happened since I last wrote.

Carver, your transition to preschool was so smooth. You cried for about a week, but now you are the star of your class, despite your age. The teachers (sensei) are all amazed by how advanced you seem for your age. For mothers day, you were able to draw a photo of me with eyes, ears, mouth and nose… and hair! The teacher is also amazed by how you are able to concentrate and listen despite all the distractions around you. They are surprised by how quickly you learn and that we don’t speak Japanese at home (you seem to have a perfect accent. You and Lincoln.).

You had a big milestone yesterday. You went all day without a diaper, even during nap time. I know this is only a one off thing, but I’m just so happy that you’re finally agreeing to wear underwear. The other day, you asked me to purchase Captain America clothes. I’ll purchase some Captain America underwear for you.

Lincoln, you’re almost four!  Time goes by so fast! And you are growing so fast! I was reading some past posts and it talks about your “big emotions.” Yes, you do have big emotions. You’re simply a lover, not a fighter. I witnessed you getting hit on the head by a kid at school. I started to go in to protect you, but then I got hit on the head! What I noticed afterwards, despite the kid trying to hit you, instead of hitting back, you just blocked him. You are bigger than him, taller than him… but you played defense by not hitting just blocking him. I love you for that.  Carver mentioned in the car that the kid always hits you. I asked why, and just as a matter of fact, you said, “because he doesn’t like me.” I was debating whether or not I should talk to the teacher about this, but I decided not to. In life, you’re going to have to figure out your own battles.  I can’t fight your battles. Plus, you didn’t ask for my help.

Great development happened last night! Daddy forgot to put a diaper on you last night. And guess what? You were completely dry! We were all so happy. And you were also very happy. You knew what a great accomplishment that was! AND… can I just say, I am in awe of your brain and how I can see you learning.  The way you learn and are figuring things out is amazing to watch.  This morning, before going to school, you created a little slide with a dinosaur book and had your toy dinosaurs slide down. After some tests, I assume, you asked me to come over and watch. You said, “look mom, gravity.”  I mentioned something about friction, and your eyes lit up. You wanted to try different types of dinosaurs. Heavy ones, stuffed ones, hard ones, and sticky ones… to check the speed, and if they would slide down. I love that. I love your curiosity and your beautiful mind.  Next, we are going to work on reading and writing your name.  I hope this is not too difficult. You also like to just sit and do workbooks. You also love to swim (not well, but you’re getting there). You’re not a big fan of competitive sports. I think it’s because you’re a lover, not a fighter.

When we told people that the two of you go to a full immersion Japanese language school, we got a lot of “Whys.”  Daddy and I don’t speak a lick of Japanese. My easy response to them is that it was the closest school to our house, which is true. But honestly, it was kind of an experiment. We had a lot of reasons. One of them was because it was the closest school to our house. Another one was we wanted you to learn a third language and we figured your brains are like sponges and you would pick it up quicker. However, one of the main reasons is that we wanted to challenge the two of you. Not to be too comfortable in your surroundings. Learn at a young age to socialize and survive in an unfamiliar environment. Although both of you are behind in your English skills, I am confident that you will pick it up really easily.

I love you both so much.

Love, Mom

Dear Lincoln,

Your birthday was actually two weeks ago. I’m just a little slow in updating. Happy Birthday, son!  You are now three. I definitely feel like from 2-3 you’ve grown a lot. You can carry on conversations, pretend play, sing songs, dance, and speak to me like a teenager.

Right now, you’re going through a very bad bout of diarrhea. It’s been five days and I see no end in sight. I asked you if your stomach still hurts and you said, “it almost doesn’t hurt anymore.” I find that amazing. It means that you’re able to compare the pain that you had from the beginning of your sickness, to now, the tail end of your sickness (at least I hope it’s the tail end).

Your personality is also coming out. You are a lot more sensitive than Carver. You have big emotions. I hope you don’t think that it’s a bad thing. It’s a good thing. You’re nice and kind and you’re able to feel a lot of empathy. There are many adults in this world that can’t even feel the type of empathy that you have. It’s a gift, so own it and embrace it. You have very high EQ.

I remember the day of your birthday party when you saw the dinosaur cake and everybody started singing happy birthday to you. You were genuinely happy, but not just happy, you were also appreciative of all the love.  I love that about you. But your big emotions also means you require a lot of attention. We’re still working on that one.

In the meantime, I’m looking forward to your growth. It is so fast…. like a blink of an eye.

I love you,

Mom.

Dear Lincoln and Carver,

It has been awhile. I started working full time again and so my weekdays have been generally rushed and tiring. I truly hope when you are my age, society will have figured out the traffic/congestion problem. This driving is not sustainable by any means.

Since working full time, I feel like I’m watching the two of you grow through the lens of our home security camera. I watch in awe and absolute wonder that Carver is able to quietly sit at a table and color by himself. I’m astonished that Lincoln is able to peruse through a book and from the eyes of the camera, it seems as if he is understanding and comprehending a very complicated dinosaur book all by himself.

It’s like I have a schedule for my viewing times. I love watching Carver sleep but my heart aches when I see him in the bedroom alone, not yet ready to sleep, but not making much noise. I constantly worry about your social and emotional well-being since you are home all the time, but I’m put at ease by how fast you are developing.

At 4 pm, I know that is when Lincoln comes home. I love watching him bounce out of the car and walk with such confidence and independence towards the house after a long day of school. You are growing up so fast and becoming a very spunky little boy.

When I look back at this time, I wonder if I would look back at it with regret.  Regret that I did not get to see the two of you develop with my own two eyes (instead of through a camera) and help mold the two of you into the men I hope you would one day become. But there is one thing for sure, whether it is through the lens of a camera or through my own eyes, I see how the two of you are creating your own individual personalities, and I couldn’t be more proud.

Dear Lincoln and Carver,

You will be too young to remember, but yesterday’s Presidential election was one for the history books. We were on the verge of electing the first woman president of the most powerful country in the world… and we fell short. Somebody else won. Crazy,  huh? Only history will tell what kind of President Trump will be, but right now, hopes are not high. I’ll be honest, last night was a disappointing blow for your father and I. I felt that all of the issues and people that I voted for lost and I took it way more personally than I should have.  I was wondering why. And I realized, it’s because I have the two of you.

You see, before the two of you came along, I would vote straight party line, or I would vote what would make financial sense. But now when I vote, I have the two of you in my mind and what will be best for your future. Unfortunately, the majority of our State thought the opposite. Pot is now legal and “non-violent” offenders will be out of jail.

You’ll soon learn that your father and I totally geek out during election season. However, this election season was an odd one. No one talked about real issues. At the end, both parties seem to resort to name calling. This is not how a country should move forward. I don’t know how Trump will be as a President. But, I feel compelled to apologize to your generation. Between the environment, the economy, and the wars that are going on overseas – I feel like my generation really messed it up for you guys, and for that, I am sorry.

Soon, the dust will settle and life goes on. I did learn two lessons yesterday. 1.) I need to get out of my own echo chamber. Everybody that I was associated with AND the media had all predicted Hillary Clinton winning. I need to remember that I am not the target market or the majority. and 2.) Don’t always go where the wind blows…. because you may end up in the sewer. Always stand up to what is right and don’t be silent. And always, always do the right thing.

I am sad today of yesterday’s outcome and I am uncertain what the future will hold. But if we don’t mess it up too much, I do have hopeful optimism for your generation to do great things. I know just by observing Carver’s thought process as he figures out innovative ways how to shimmy his body down the stairs and the bed (it’s too cute) or Lincoln’s compassion when someone gets hurt (you have some pretty good EQ). It will be up to you to think of innovative ways to solve our worlds problems but you will need the compassion and I know it’s there.

I love both of you more than you can imagine. I promise that I will do my part in making sure we don’t mess things up for your generation.