Dear Lincoln and Carver,

You’re both not old enough to ever remember this time, but I’m having a difficult time trying to spend good quality time with the both of you. Hence, I have mommy guilt. I don’t feel like I’m fulfilling any of your needs. Lincoln, I know you want to play and want us to spend more quality time with you.  Daddy is spending more quality time with you, and so now all you want is Daddy. Which is fine for me, but I know it can be physically draining, and so I feel bad for daddy.

Carver, I know I have to hold you more and pay more attention to your needs (like change your diaper more often). But it’s just so difficult separating my time. I just hope it gets easier in the long run. I’m also having a “too much breastmilk” problem. This is a problem because you’re not getting any of the fatty stuff, you’re just getting the watery stuff. That’s why I think you’re not growing as fast. Hopefully, with a little adjustment this weekend, we can work this out. It’s going to be really painful, but part of the mommy guilt is that you have really bad gas, and I think it’s because I have too much milk.

Anyways, I hope next year this time we can all go to Knotts Merry Farm and Disneyland as a family and I can see the awe and wonder in both of your eyes. Then, it will make this all worth it.